The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i dont even know how to be here
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize