if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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