I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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