i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize