I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
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she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
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I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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