I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
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Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
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My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
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