I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
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Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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