talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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