i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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