I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize