Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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