The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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