I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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