Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
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Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
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im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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