I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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