saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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