I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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