what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
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My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
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You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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