also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize