Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I could make wine with my vomit
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggles of a small town man whore
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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