My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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