we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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