dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
