On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
