So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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