You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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