I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
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Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
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I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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