he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
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Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
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So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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