I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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