he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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