OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
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well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I have fence marks all over my body
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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