i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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