she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
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Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
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Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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