a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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