u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
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just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
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I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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