took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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