Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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