Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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