I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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