Ambien. No doubt about it.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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