I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize