I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
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having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
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I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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