i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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