I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
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You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
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my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
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