the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
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I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
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Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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