Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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