just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize