oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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