i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
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I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I supernannyed him into submission
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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