yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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