Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
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History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
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I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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