bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
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We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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